Trying to forget him: The green elephant dilemma

Trying not to think about himTrying not to miss someone is like being told not to picture a green elephant.

Even the mention of his name, anything that can remind you of him and the fact he exists, can spiral your mind back into thinking about him – and before you know it, you are thinking about not being with him, picturing moments you had together and possibly day-dreaming moments you haven’t had together.

To keep your sanity – not to mention your friends, you need to start taking control of your thought processes. Although you may not feel like it, you have to remember you are in control of your thoughts. So next time your mind starts wandering off to think of him at all, try to reign them in:

1. Practice stopping your thoughts – you control what you think of, so start practicing stopping your thoughts consciously.  You have to really think STOP to your thoughts – make your brain think about something else

2. Have a replacement thought ready. For example, when I had a rough break up from a guy I thought I was going to marry, I replaced where I would start to wonder about how he was and what he was doing with other thoughts about my best friend who likes a number of states away – I would think, I wonder how Jane is, and what she is up to this weekend? And remember times that Jane and I had shared, laughed, how fabulous she is and how much I appreciate her being in my life

3. Don’t start sharing the thoughts – or at least limit the voicing of your thoughts as much as you can manage. Playing the victim where you sit with friends and tell them how you have, or feel, wronged, and reminiscing will only reinforce all your thoughts and make you long for him more. Yes, you want to talk about him as it makes you feel closer to him, but don’t fall into that trap

4. Distract yourself. Yes, we have all heard this and know we need to do it to help us look forward, and to stop looking back.

In a few weeks’ time we’re going to be hosting a webinar to share some ways to do this – watch this space for updates!

For help moving on and gaining ways and support to forget him, sign up for our five-week Zero Contact program. Take care of yourself and reclaim yourself. In service, Tabitha and the Break the Bond team

Posted by Tabitha R

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