Nothingness and break-up hope

It’s hard coping with a break-up. Your own mind can turn on you, and you may find yourself thinking of him more than ever. You try to distract yourself, but it’s a half-hearted effort with feelings of loss and nothingness mixed in with a  vague hope that you can get back to the relationship to escape this nothingness.

The bad news? This is something you have to go through and you can’t go back. Having a sense of hope for a relationship that has ended will only add to the emptiness, and wanting to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you is not healthy – you may not believe it right now but you deserve better.

The good news? You can learn something from this that will add to you, to the person you are, the things you will achieve.

The really good news?  One day you will realize that this was a good thing and you shouldn’t have even wanted to go back (- you may not believe me at this point).

What can you do from here? You need to have hope – but not some misplaced hope about your past relationship and you getting back together – you don’t need this type of hope, where you picture a rose-tinted relationship and a ‘movie-style’ ending where he suddenly proclaims that he can’t live without you.  STOP THINKING LIKE THAT NOW. We’re not living in the movies, this is the real world and you have to STOP daydreaming about him.

Instead you are to hope and daydream about (and then act on):

  • All the things that you wanted to do when you were together but you didn’t (for whatever reason) and how you are going to start doing them now. Yes, by yourself – because you are a capable and confident human being. By all means involve friends if you need to, but take the initiative
  • How you are going to look after yourself in this brilliant new world of yours. You will take – schedule – time for yourself and plan out great things that you can do for your health, your well-being and enjoyment. Get your nails done, take up a new exercise, book time in to relax – even if it’s to read a book or soak in the tub. It doesn’t have to be big or expensive – buy some nice hand cream or a facemask, take some time out for yourself, go and lie on the beach and listen to some music
  • Everything that you want in a relationship that you didn’t have in this past one. You have to be careful here – not day-dreaming and then linking it to him and his traits, then upsetting yourself. You have to be deliberate and think about the things that you want that you didn’t have. For example, while I pined for the relationship I had with EW when we broke up, he never wanted to go to my home town and his time off was about his family. My ideal relationship would split time evenly between our families.
  • You’re going to plan something big. Something you have always wanted to do – perhaps it’s getting your hair cut or colored, becoming a yoga instructor, leaning to code, changing job, going on a dinosaur dig, taking a trip somewhere. Then you’re going to start daydreaming about doing it.

Want to take some real steps to start moving away from the nothingness and misplaced hope?  Then join us for our eight-week program: Forget Your Ex – the next intake starts soon!

Break up advice

Posted by Tabitha

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