Ahhh, constant access to technology. A blessing throughout much of our lives, but when you’re dealing with discard or the fallout of an emotionally abusive relationship, it’s a curse.
You find yourself looking at your phone and you think to yourself: ‘I could just send a quick text or message to check in on him. See if he’s okay. Or send something funny and upbeat to show I’m okay. I’ll just say hello. Give him the opportunity to apologize or to get back in touch with me.’
Two things here. First: you’re not alone. Second: DON’T DO IT.
I know how the thinking can go. You get into thinking from the viewpoint of ‘perhaps’ – Perhaps he didn’t understand what you meant. Perhaps he regrets what happened. Perhaps you misread the situation. Perhaps he’s hurting as much as you. Perhaps getting back in contact with him will make you feel better.
You need to step away from your phone and from the electronic temptation that is (literally) in your hands.
Here’s a few ways to gather your thoughts, perspectives so you don’t text your ex.
- Make the decision that this – sending him a text, message or calling him – does not serve you and your long-term best interests. The fact is that if he wanted to be with you he would get in touch – whatever reasons he is not in contact with you, you cannot fix and you contacting him will make you feel worse. Stop daydreaming about things that aren’t true and act in your best interest.
- Switch off your phone for at least a hour, longer if possible. Remove the temptation that is in front of you
- Do something for you, that is purely and unequivocally in the realm of self-care. It could be going for a swim (this was one of my self-protection activities during my breakup because I’m certainly not going to check my phone in the swimming pool), book a massage, get your nails done, go for a walk, go for a drive, change your environment – go for a coffee or a walk to somewhere you’ve never been before. Whatever you choose try to do it without your phone at your side. Leave your phone switched off, even better – give it to a friend.
- Make a list of things that you want from your life. Then pick one thing and take an action – however small – that moves you towards this. The one proviso? It must not relate to something you wish to regain from your past relationship or directly related to your ex.
It’s through action that we take control of our lives back (and by ‘action’ I do not mean texting our ex) – the powerful and deliberate action of owning and fulfilling our own path.
If you’re really struggling with stepping away from the relationship and stepping into your own power, then there’s still time to sign up and join us for ‘Get Unhooked’ our three-month program of moving on and recovering your core self, your strength and your perspective.